OH SHIT, OH SHIT, OH SHIT.... WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING? THE SHIT IS THAT!? BURN IT WITH FIRE!

If you know me at all, you know I buy a lot of games. You might also know that I almost never pay full price. Dark Souls and Star Wars: The Old Republic were the only games in 2011 that I did shell out top dollar for, everything else was picked up at some sort of a discount. Towards the end of the year, some of the games I bought on sale from Amazon came with promotional codes to get 5 bucks off certain games in January of this year. I didn’t really plan on using the codes seeing as they were only to be used one at a time and only on the top selling downloadable games from 2011. The list is comprised mainly of The Sims expansions and games I’ve already owned in one way or another. Oh well.

Then EA started dropping prices on a few titles on the list. Grand Theft Auto IV was the first. I’ve owned the game before, but never on the PC. The price dropped all the way to 5 dollars. After my promotional code was applied…it was free. I may never play the game, but it was free.

The same thing happened a week later, but with Dead Space 2. A game that had been getting a lot of talk on podcasts I listen to in regards to “great games from 2011.” I’m not much of a horror game type person, just as I’m not big on horror films, but again… it was free. Unlike GTA though, I figured I’d give Dead Space a shot.

I downloaded and installed the game, then attempted to play it. I immediately had an issue with the menu. For some reason if you have a device such as a flight stick or a keypad (like the Logitech G13 as was my case) it screws up the camera and makes the game unplayable. I unhooked the G13 and reinstalled the game (tried fixing it via the txt file, but it didn’t work) and then once that was done everything was hunky dory.

Since I hadn’t played the first Dead Space, I took the few minutes to watch the “Previously on Dead Space” video that was provided in the menu. I really dug that they put that in rather than trying to get you up to speed within the game. I’m sure people who DID play the first title were quite appreciative of it as well. After the video ended, I went in.

Warning: Very light spoilers about the first handful of minutes into the game ahead.

I went in expecting things to pop out at me as if I were walking through a haunted house. Scary, sure, but also somewhat lame and annoying in a way that makes me want to hurt someone. Instead I was greeted by a man interrogating me, slowly unraveling the idea that I had some important information in my brain but was being treated like a psych patient, straight-jacket and all. Then shit went south. I wake up to a man who is visibly panicked trying to wake my character up in order to get moving.

Still in a straight-jacket because my panicked friend didn’t last long after waking me up, I proceed to run down the hall as FUCKING CHAOS ensues all around me. Necromorphs (big, nasty, half human, half goddamn gross creatures) are tearing apart people and crawling out of the woodwork. Although it’s in space… so there’s really not any wood. Metalwork? Yeah, crawling out of the metalwork. I have nothing but the ability to run, so that’s what I do.

I eventually make it to a sealed office where I run into the doctor who I met in the beginning of the game. Dude. Went. Nuts. I won’t spoil what happens; apart from he gets you out of your straight-jacket and gives you a flashlight. FORESHADOWING!

I soon walk into a room that has no lights. GOOD THING I GOT THIS FLASHLIGHT! It’s then that the game starts to scare me. Say what you will about me, but I will repeat: I am not a fan of the horror genre. So I begin to make my way through this room, dead bodies laying on the ground and sitting in chairs, and I just know something is going to pop out at my defenseless ass. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. So I hit escape and quit.

Look, the graphics are really great, the controls feel awesome, and if you like horror games I suggest you give it a whirl. It’s not for me though. This isn’t to say I’ll never play it again, but never again right before bed.

Maybe on a bright spring morning or something…

with extra lights in my cloffice…

and my iPod playing KC and the Sunshine Band.

Steve "Slurms" Lichtsinn

Blogger and Podcast host for Multiplaying. All viewpoints in my words whether written or spoken are my own, and do not reflect the views of the community I am a part of. I don't do this for a living, and it shows!