I bought Saints Row: The Third because it simply looked like crazy open world fun. That was pretty much the extent of my expectations for it. Seeing as I’d never played Saints Row 1 or 2, I figured it would be something like Just Cause 2 with Grand Theft Auto controls, i.e. more fun to dick around in the environment than participating in any of the story.

After almost 12 hours of time in the single player game, with little of that time allotted for anything other than playing the missions, I was pleasantly surprised to say the least. I’ve written a few half assed reviews for games in the past and I always try to put down my feelings for a game without making it sound like a sales pitch. I’ll tell you up front: this time is different. I actively want you to go buy Saints Row: The Third, because I feel that strongly about how amazing it is.

Character Creation

Before heading into Steelport, you have to make a character. Now, I’ve played Champions Online and City of Heroes, two MMOs that are renowned for having amazing character creation, but the amount of detail you can work with in Saints Row is stupendous. Furthermore, some of the creations people come up with because of the tools provided are quite hysterical. (CARL FROM AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE) The good news is, because of plastic surgery clinics located throughout the city, you can mess around with your appearance almost on a whim. Something that, now that the game’s story is behind me, I plan on playing with more.

Missions and Story

It’s honestly hard to put into words how varying and delightful the missions in Saints Row are. I even noted to Jason (that guy from that podcast we do on this site) while we played some co-op that I couldn’t get over how intriguing the story was. Sure, a lot of it makes no damn sense in terms of how the real world would treat actions taken by the main protagonist and his or her cronies, but in the world of Saints Row it just works.

Let me give you a few example of the kind of stuff you can expect to do in Steelport (though, if you want to remain spoiler free, you might skip past the bullet points):

• Calmed down a tiger in a convertible while Jason drove us around town, getting mauled all the way, as part of my training provided by an ex-luchador voiced by Hulk Hogan.
• Killed hordes of zombies as I was ordered to by Burt Reynolds.
• Participated in a wresting match with Luchadores, which happened to involve Mad Max style weaponry
• Was plugged into a Matrix-esque computer wherein I ran around a Tron-like environment, using a Mega Man style arm canon to defeat my enemies (which I got to keep after I left…)
• While in Tron Land, I had to complete a text based adventure and at one point heard my character utter the phrase, “DICK MOVE, UNICORN!”
• Was a contestant on a Japanese reality show where I had to dodge deadly traps and shoot down enemies (who were in mascot costumes) in order to be considered “ethical”
• Was pulled by a man dressed as a sex slave (whose voice is auto-tuned via a trach-box) in a rickshaw while shooting at people chasing me, who were also in rickshaws pulled by sex slaves.
• Broke into a laboratory and proceeded to follow around a giant naked man, who sounds vaguely like the Heavy from Team Fortress 2, who was being used for experiments.
• And much much more…

Now, if someone showed me this list of activities and said, this is all in Saints Row: The Third, I’m not sure I could imagine how they all fit. It’s after a couple hours into the game where you realize that anything can happen and pretty much anything does. Just expect to pause the game from time to time to collect your thoughts on how ridiculous something was that you just did.

One element that really helped to tie everything together was the phenomenal voice acting. There wasn’t a single character or line delivered that I cringed at. More often than not, I was laughing, or at least grinning about how funny something was. Throughout the game, it is by far some of the best voice work I’ve ever experienced, which just made the game that much more compelling to keep playing.

Gameplay

The first handful of missions in Saints Row each act as a means to show off the games various styles of play. I became complacent with the idea that all the game was going to be was an open city with hubs for the various mechanics. That sheds away to give room for the fantastical story, but almost everything you learn in the early missions comes back to be useful.

In the bullet points above I described some pretty various settings, and I’m sure I left some stuff out, but it paints a picture that even now I wonder just how they made it all fun to play. Yes, some of the side missions get stale pretty quick, but they’re not anything you have to do more than once. Take my advice; unless you had an absolute blast with one of the early missions, just stick to the story.

Who is this game for?

No matter how you play your character, you will do some really horrible things in the game. Even the simple act of driving is made into a way to gain experience (which is Respect in Saints Row) earned by hitting bystanders, cops, rival gang members, driving down the wrong lane, on two wheels, jumping over bridges…pretty much being the worst person on the street. But everyone LOVES you for it.

I will say that the game is not for the prude. If you dislike heavy amounts of cursing, hyper sexualized imagery, or if you’re not okay with seeing your character body slam people (men and old women alike) into the pavement in order to earn respect for doing so, stay away. On the other hand, if you like games that are crazy for crazy’s sake, then you could do no better than play Saints Row: The Third. My only suggestion is that you clear your mind of any thoughts that what happens in the game will make sense if taken piece by piece. Trust me, everything will work out.

Final Thought

The truly amazing feat of Saints Row: The Third is that somehow, the people at Volition, through a mix of interesting cinematics, fantastic voice work, and numerous fun game mechanics, were able to create an absolutely bonkers open world game with a story I gave a crap about. It wasn’t what I expected, but it turned out to be one of the highlights of my 2011.

Steve "Slurms" Lichtsinn

Blogger and Podcast host for Multiplaying. All viewpoints in my words whether written or spoken are my own, and do not reflect the views of the community I am a part of. I don't do this for a living, and it shows!