Considering my fellow twitter folk said they’d read this article about my adventures in Fallen Earth, how could I not do it?!  Also, PANCAKES!! (Not Crêpes! Waffling French, stealing the Swede’s genius.)

So, these past few days I grew bored (I bet you didn’t see that coming!) and decided to use my free 14 day welcome back trial to Fallen Earth.  Truth be told, my very first article on Multiplaying was when I was just starting out in this game.  Needless to say I didn’t stay long unfortunately.  Looking back, I honestly can’t remember what drove me away from the game… then again, considering my attention span it could have been a shiny button or knat….  Anyways, I’m giving the game another go around now that a significant amount of time has passed since I’ve so much as glanced at the game.

Lesson Learned #1: Know Your Operating System

I let my computer run for the night, slowly installing Fallen Earth via Campus internet.  (Seriously, if like five people could stop downloading endless streams of pr0n so I could actually get some bandwidth, that’d be awesome.)  I awoke to an almost complete download, and Taco-Thursday.  After devouring my free lunch, (Suck it TINSTAAFL!!) I started up the game to greet my old character, William Erickson, still chilling in his Ranger Hat and Slacks.  I then proceeded to log in, and was greeting by this.

The game would freeze right at 98% of completing the load.  Over, and over, and over, and over, and over.  I ran a full check of the games files, nadda.  Even the magical “restart and hope it fixes the problem for me” didn’t work!  After a few hours, having to go to work, and coming home grumbling that I couldn’t play I had an epiphany.   Yea… I seriously spent 3 hours trying to play a game on Windows 7 without running it as an administrator.  I followed such a horrendous display of idiocy with the only feasible reaction, /facedesk.

Lesson Learned #2: Don’t Bring Zip Guns to a Semi-Automatic Rifle Fight.

Bloodsports is Fallen Earth’s most recent content patch.  It comes jam packed with PvP ques similiar to WoW and WAR’s Scenarios, Clan Wars, and a new zone for players to explore.  The lack of PvP I experienced when first playing Fallen Earth was likely one of the key reasons why I stopped playing, so this newest addition to the game looks to be a big hit with me.  I qued up for a Deathmatch game and quickly realized two things.  First, even just a two level difference can be huge when it comes to balance between players in Fallen Earth.  A level 20 can absolutely curbstomp any character 17 and lower if they take PvP seriously.  Second, refer to lesson learned #2.  Getting one-shot by shotguns while I did damage equivalent to a light tickle wasn’t so fun.

Lesson Learned #3: Fallen Earth Is Like A Giant Pancake

Were you waiting for how the whole pancake thing was going to tie in?  Ta-daaa!  This portion of Rer’s Randomness is brought to you by Twitter, A Lack of Food In My Dormitory, and ScaryBooster’s Hot Dogs, They’re Insightfully Delicious!  So technically yes, this part is semi-ripping off Scary and partly due to an extreme hunger for homemade breakfast items.  Even so, I hope to actually make some sense here, so hear (er read…) me out.

You see, pancakes are not easy to make.  They require multiple ingredients, and a decent time investment.  I relate this to Fallen Earth’s crafting system.  At first, I hadn’t found the system very interesting, but now that I’ve progressed further into the game I’ve become smitten with it.  I love how almost every item in the game has a use, and no component is stuck with only being useful for one recipe.  As I run around the game picking up refuse, old-books, and cereal via Scrap Metal nodes, (Seriously, that explains all the iron in Cheerios!) I know that I’ll find a use for it all eventually.  After collecting these components, crafting the items themselves then takes additional time.  I enjoy this level of realism, it reminds me of EVE except slightly less hardcore.

My next simile is a vital step in Proper Pancake Procedure: The Flip! Any cook worth their salt knows you can’t make authentic Swedish pancakes without performing a flip, and I’m not talking about some half-assed spatula toss either.  I’m talking full-blown into the air and back into the pan flippin’.  You either succeed and reap the rewards, or lose out big time.  These kinds of situations present themselves in Fallen Earth.  Like I said, it’s nothing close to EVE’s level of hardcore reality, but Fallen Earth is by no means an easy game.  Take for example two key events that have happened to me.  My epic win occurred in the Watchtower’s Casino.  As I was walking out, feeling how much lighter my pockets were from all of my hard-earned chips being swallowed up by the Blackjack machine, I decided to throw a chip into the Slots.

As the picture shows, I hit triple Bio-Hazards and won one thousand chips!  Sadly, within only a few hours I hit my low-point.  As I was out scavenging some crafting materials, my poor ATV was left defenseless to giant, trashcan-wearing, hermit crabs.  The bastards gained some sick enjoyment out of slowly pincering my limited edition vehicle to bits while I wondered aimlessly.  I mean sure, I was able to repair it, but I felt pretty stupid for making such a noobish mistake.

Finally, Fallen Earth and pancakes share one last thing in common: they are both meant to be enjoyed slowly.  Have you ever eaten a pancake really quickly?  I have a number of times and you either end up burning your mouth (Burnout!) or having a giant lump in the pit of your stomach, discouraging you from eating any more (Slow and eventual disappointment leading to you moving onto so-called “greener pastures!”).  Okay, maybe this last section was a little sketchy, but I really wanted to write something and honestly, I just can’t stop thinking about pancakes!  Thank goodness we have an official bullwaffle section.